did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
