shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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