You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
