you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
