I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
