you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
