dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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