He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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