Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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