Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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