I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
