she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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