you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
