Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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