you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
