i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
