We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
