I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
