If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
