At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
