The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize