Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
