so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
