we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
