Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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