i would punch a child for taco bell
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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