Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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