I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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