I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's the barista slut.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
