dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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