We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
