There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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