You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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