This is not my ceiling
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dear god my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
