Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
