I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
