whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
