Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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