you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
