Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
