i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
