have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
