I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
