You really coming over, don't trick.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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