Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
