elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize