he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize