hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
