Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
