Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize