I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize