Please, let me fuck your mom
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
