please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
