apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
