i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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