Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize