My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
