I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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