Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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