Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
