So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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