Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
