just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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