So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
