In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
